Things I Don’t Say at Work

By Mariah Dwyer 

No, sir

I don’t care if the deal ends at 5 p.m.

And it’s 4:45 p.m.

No, madam

I’m not going to repeat the offer

For the fifth time

You don’t get it so go away

No, sir

This is not an attitude

The music is loud

And I know you can’t hear me

No, madam

I don’t like working here

I know you see me dancing

But that’s the only way I can keep myself awake

No, madam

We don’t take coupons on food

Go to McDonald’s

They will make food your way

No, sir

I will not not charge you for coat check

Sorry

I need to make money too

No, madam

I will not accommodate

You and your party of 25

Go have a damn cookout

No, sir

I don’t care if you’re mad

Go ahead take to the blogs

Anyone can take to the blogs

No, madam

I will walk away from here

Go in the back and talk to my coworkers

About getting drunk because of you