By Cindy Orellana
Thirteen years ago, my mother immigrated to the United States from Honduras without the chance to pursue higher education. Unlike my mother, I have been fortunate enough to attend college since arriving in the United States eight years ago. Although Spanish is my first language, I have worked diligently to learn English throughout my time in high school and beyond. My mother has always encouraged me to make the most of this opportunity and set a positive example for my siblings. However, she did not prepare me for the unique challenges of being a first-generation college student.
While there are many resources available, there are still some aspects of college that can be challenging. My top priorities are not only achieving personal success, graduating from college and becoming an English teacher and independence but also making my family proud. As a first-generation college student, I recognize the significance of perseverance and diligence. Without these qualities, all of my efforts may be in vain. Even though I already knew that I needed these qualities even before college I knew that in college I would needed more. During my senior year of high school, I worked full-time at a laundry, with the goal of folding 400 pounds of clothes in just eight hours. I knew that I needed to save up enough money to pay for my college tuition, especially since I was an undocumented student. I paid for my first year of college paying my tuition with the money I'd saved from my job at the laundry. Along the way, I researched different types of scholarships that I could apply for so that I could receive additional financial assistance.
As a first-generation college student, you may find yourself also working part-time or full-time to cover not only your tuition but also book expenses. At first, I spent late nights completing homework assignments while working full-time at a bakery six days a week, and attending morning classes. Despite my best efforts, my physical and mental well-being began to suffer, and I made the difficult decision to transition to a part-time job at a school where I now serve as a senior group leader, helping second graders with homework, while also creating lesson plans to teach them social-emotional learning, project-based learning, and others. For 22 hours each week. Balancing work and full-time studies remains a challenge, especially without financial or emotional support from my family. This lack of understanding and encouragement can be discouraging and isolating at times.
Even though my mother has been an inspiration for me and has helped me be where I am today, she has also been a ‘burden’ because of her pressure on my shoulders. The words of my stepdad have been on my mind all the time. He has told me “You can’t do it,” “You are a nobody,” “You will get pregnant at the age of 18,” and “You are undocumented-- no one will help you” Despite my stepdad's words of discouragement, I have always found inspiration. I have used it as motivation to prove him wrong. I refuse to believe that I am limited by my background or circumstances and am determined to reach my goals, no matter what obstacles I may face.
Being a first-generation college student means that you will have a lot of eyes on you and lots of pressure on your shoulders. College has been quite stressful for me. At times, the pressure to perform has become so overwhelming that I’ve cried while working on my assignments. The thought of graduating d only added to my anxiety, especially since interesting my mother would frequently boast about my achievements to others without really understanding what I was going through. She doesn't know what I am going through. She just tells others how proud she is of me, but she does not ask me how I am doing. “Give yourself grace, stay true to yourself, don’t be afraid to ask for help, utilize your connections, and take advantage of the opportunities,” I tell myself all the time. It is okay to not be okay!
I had to learn how to do everything on my own, from applying to colleges and FAFSA to setting up an Amazon account for purchasing textbooks and even figuring out how to obtain a VISA or Credit Card. However, this experience taught me valuable skills, including how to be more confident. Today, I am proud to be assisting my sister in her college application process and guiding her on how to apply for FAFSA. It's amusing to hear her ask me a straightforward question, such as "Should I put my social security number where it says my social security number?" But I understand where she's coming from. I was once in her shoes. I've even helped my aunt apply to different colleges and apply for the Jose Peralta Scholarship for undocumented students. Knowing that I am helping someone achieve their goals and dreams fills me with pride, and it's satisfying to apply the skills I learned to help others.
Being a first-generation college student means that I have to push myself to work even harder when I am struggling because I want to succeed. I want to strive for what my parents could not have, to not only honor them but to honor myself for my dedication, hard work, and all I am doing. Now that I am a senior in college about to graduate, I realize the special gift I was given that some might take for granted. I was allowed to attend college. For others, this might seem like a natural step but for me, it means the world.
This is for the nights of having to translate from Spanish to English to write a paper. Look where my broken English got me and where it will take me! This is for the days I thought I was never going to get through this because of depression and anxiety. This is for the struggle I faced and will face in the future. I know how much it means for me to want to help my gente, but this day is about me and celebrating how far I’ve come. If I could meet freshman me, I know how proud she would be.
